Top 31 Signs You Are Addicted to Coffee

I did one of these once but only a couple of these are on the previous list. I hope you enjoy it and get a chuckle from them.

1. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. You sleep with your eyes open.
3. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
4. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
5. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
6. You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
7. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
8. You chew on other people’s fingernails.
9. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
10. You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

11. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
12. You can jump-start your car without cables.
13. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
14. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
15. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
16. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
17. People get dizzy just watching you.
18. Instant coffee takes too long.
19. You channel surf faster without a remote.
20. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
21. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
22. You short out motion detectors.
23. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
24. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
25. You help your dog chase its tail.
26. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
27. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
28. You ski uphill.
29. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
30. You answer the door before people knock.
31. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

19 thoughts on “Top 31 Signs You Are Addicted to Coffee

  • December 15, 2007 at 1:50 am

    Wow, that was really funny, we often discuss these things at the local Starbucks, so I am going to have to print this article and show it to everyone, they are going laugh something terrible. Thank you for this, it was excellent. – Lance

  • December 21, 2007 at 8:22 am

    Haha…sadly some of these are true for me…sometimes those coffee beans just look so tasty I can’t help but grind a few of them up in my mouth.

  • December 21, 2007 at 10:15 am

    LMAO! I know what you mean.

  • December 22, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    May your holiday season be as beautiful as a Winter Wonderland! Merry Christmas ! I would like to invite you to watch : Christmas Eve in Poland…. some traditional recipes /Version english, french, polish/:

  • December 24, 2007 at 4:25 pm

    My wife wishes I was #10 but I sure could’ve used #12 today. I guess I better continue drinking coffee 😉

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

    Blogging about stuff that matters at

  • January 2, 2008 at 10:38 am

    I’m addicted to my Americano I get every morning at a Cuppy’s drive thru. Double shot espresso, cream and sugar gets me going every morning.

  • February 12, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    I have a blog about coffee too. Please visit my blog and give your comment. thank you.

  • February 13, 2008 at 8:43 am

    trying to contact you but there’s no email listed—LOVE the blog! Would love to be listed in your links and put one to yours on mine….Thanks!

  • February 19, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Thought ya’ll might get a kick out of my own coffee humor. It’s the new version of “a guy walks into a bar” joke. We all know that coffee shops are the new bars…

  • March 13, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    Hey, new guy here… this is the post that caught my eye first. Number 25 FTW! 😀

  • April 7, 2008 at 7:12 am

    Heh.. this is good! Just one notice. I DO ski uphill, but it is called “ski touring”. Anyhow, I am still addicted to coffee. I would like to add one more point to your list:
    32. When you start writing a coffee blog

  • April 8, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    ha! That’s a good one

  • July 9, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    that’s too funny, i’ll keep an eye open for the signs.

  • July 9, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    Well. If you are a coffee drinker sir jorge, you’ll have no trouble keeping that eye open. 😀

  • June 29, 2011 at 5:12 am

    Very nice post by authour on top 31 signs you are addicted to coffee

  • August 27, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    “PPPPPPlease pppppppass the ccccream & sssssugar”

  • November 17, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    Ah HAHAHAHA. this is like so funny and stuff cuz coffee makes you awake and hyper and stuff. LIKE SOOOOO FUNNNY.

    HAHAHA. Coffee. Good One. Nice Like wow

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