Too Much Coffee -Coffee Humor-

The author of these sayings is unknown. If you know of anyone who may have actually been the creator of any of these, please let me know so that I can give credit. I can manage to give credit to the website where I found them though and that would be A Commonplace Book. I was looking for coffee humor when I stumbled onto their blog. I hope you enjoy it and as a courtesy to these people, you might wish to give them a visit.

    You May Have Had Too Much Coffee If:
  1. Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
  2. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked
  3. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
  4. You sleep with your eyes open
  5. You watch videos in fast-forward
  6. You lick your coffeepot clean
  7. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
  8. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
  9. You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
  10. You can jump-start your car without cables
  11. Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low
  12. You don’t sweat, you percolate
  13. You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
  14. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
  15. You’ve worn the finish off you coffee table
  16. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you
  17. Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house
  18. You’re so wired you pick up FM radio
  19. Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans”
  20. Instant coffee takes too long
  21. You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can
  22. You name your cats Cream and Sugar
  23. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
  24. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup


How to Serve Your Fresh Coffee

Coffee Tip Star When serving or keeping coffee you should never leave coffee on the warmer (coffee maker) more than 20 minutes! You know what scalded coffee tastes like. It’s really bitter and bites you with a nasty twang.

If you can not finish the fresh pot within 20 minutes ( and I can! ), you need to put it in a carafe or thermos to keep it warm. Most quality coffees do taste better as they cool. If you need to warm you coffee, try warming a cup with hot water first and pouring the coffee back into it. If that does not satisfy you, you may want to add a tad… just a touch, now, of hot water or you could place it in the microwave for no more than 15 seconds. Careful though, micro waved coffee takes on an unforgettable taste that only a zapped cup of java can have.


Should I Use a Special Kind of Water to Brew?

coffee cup 2 So, I was on a dummy for most of my coffee drinking life. I used tap water when it didn’t smell or taste bad (which is ok to do) . I have however, used distilled water on many occasion.

Distilled water tends to throw the fine taste of freshly ground coffee bean out of whack. You should only use clean tap water or a quality spring water if you want to reach peak flavor.

I can not be certain if purified water has the same effect that distilled will but I would be willing to bet it would. Personally, I’ve always enjoyed my cups brewed with distilled but that is what the experts recommend.

Since we got a water purification system on our rural well water, coffee has been simply heaven. I highly recommend going that route if you can afford it.


Grade #1 Coffee

If you buy pre-ground coffee (commercial type) such as Folgers or Maxwell House and the like, you would obviously have a preference in which you find to be more desirable. Although I rarely buy these types, I do on occasion. This is usually due to the fact I’m running low on funds for that month or something similar. Otherwise, I do tend to buy specialty coffees.

Why would someone prefer a custom blend over something you can get already ground and for a cheaper price? Quality, of course.

Reasons:

There is no telling how long that coffee can has been on the store shelf. Are they really using grade #1 coffee beans? Who knows? You can not count on them just telling you they do.

Are they giving you old beans or fresh ones? How much time has elapsed since they bought the beans and ground them and packaged them? The longer they lay there the less true flavor they have.

Custom roasting or grinding. I use a small shop that roasts daily. It smells wonderful! They grind it for me. I know it’s fresh. This is, without a doubt, the best way to go.

Grade #1 beans is the highest grade for a coffee bean. They are consistent in size and generally free from defects. They are fully developed beans. Since they are the same size, etc, when they are roasted they reach their desired temperature level at the same time. This means you’ll have an unchanging flavor from bean to bean. The flavor is consistent. I feel that is very important to a true coffee lover.

Obviously, beans that vary in size will roast differently. Small beans will roast much faster than a large bean. The flavor of the brew will be inconsistent. Trust me, you will be able to taste the over roasted or under-roasted bean flavor. If you get a roast like this, it can be very distasteful.

In conclusion, if you love your coffee as I do, make the most of it and buy specialty coffees and try to avoid the standard supermarket brands.


Fresh Roasted Coffee Storage

For years I thought that if I kept my fresh roasted/ground coffee in the freezer, it would keep it fresh. I could not have been more incorrect.

Contrary to popular belief, it is probably one of the worse places. Freezing or refrigerated grounds or beans will dry out and rob the natural moisture from the product quicker than if you simply put it in a sealed container and left it on the counter. This is expecially true for gound coffee.

Really, the best method is to keep all grounds or fresh roasted beans in an air tight container or a bag that has been vacuumed sealed. Place all unused coffee grounds or beans in an area that is cool and dark. You may also want to consider buying in a smaller package. Reasoning behind this is the fact it will get used quicker leaving little time for loss of quality.


Brewing Tip -01

Once brewed, coffee should not be allowed to cool or become cold. The thermostat of the maker controls the temperature and keeps the coffee hot. If brewed coffee becomes cold it should never be reheated, it should be stored in a sealed container such as a carafe, insulated decantor or thermos. You may also refrigerate and use to prepare an iced coffee beverage.